I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
That's intense
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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