I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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