we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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