proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
