The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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