ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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