I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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