did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
