You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
