I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize