Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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