Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
