Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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