Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
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