Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
