And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
