Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You ate ashes out of my bong
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
