even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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