all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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