I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
