dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
