More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
