Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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