So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
