Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
