What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
