Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We got so high we made milksteak
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Randomize
