mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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