She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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