lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
