I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
two words: eviction party
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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