Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
