dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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