Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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