even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
