SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
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