He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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