Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
