If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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