I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
