am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
