she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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