I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
