I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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