I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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