even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
