so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
