as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
