Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So drunk its hurt
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
