I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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