Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
