You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
