Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
