I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize