i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
