Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
