Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
