We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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