And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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