My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
