just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
