Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
