just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
