I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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