Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
