When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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