she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
