I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
